The countdown to Joe-Joe's birth is well and truly underway in the Hawkins household. Deborah went to see the midwife today and she confirmed that our little boy is "engaged" and ready for Mama's "big push".
Apparently, Deborah discussed her "birthing plan" today with the midwife. When I asked her exactly what her plan is, she just shrugged her shoulders and admitted she didn't really have one. "I don't really know. I think I'll just get in the birthing pool when the water is hot enough and sweat it out."
Personally, if I had to produce something the size of a large melon out of me I'd want to have something more in my locker than just a hot bath and a wing and a prayer! With this in mind, I promised to come up with a cunning plan to aid my wife during labour and in the meantime advised her to read 'The Paul Daniels book of magic tricks'.
I've read that steady breathing can be used to help relax women through painful contractions with The National Childbirth Trust advising that breathing steadily in through the nose and out through the mouth while focusing on the out breath works wonders. I though have come up with surely a better relaxation technique... a puppet show. Fear not friends and family, it's not my version of 'Puppetry of the Penis'. After all, that's what put my wife in this tricky predicament in the first place!
I'm thinking more along the lines of a few clown puppets and an hour long performance complete with Ken Dodd jokes and funny script to perform when the going gets tough. I could set up my Punch and Judy tent opposite the birthing pool in the delivery room and charge the other waiting Dads and families a tenner to watch with all money raised going to the hospital. I've read that laughter is the best medicine. I'll put my birthing plan to Deborah and let you know what she thinks.
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